One might think that not all emotions are suffering -what about love, joy, creative inspiration, devotion, ecstasy, peace, union, fulfillment, relief? We believe that emotion is necessary for poetry, songs and art. Our definition of “suffering” isn´t fixed, and it is limited. Siddartha´s definition of “suffering” is much more vast and yet much more specific and clear.
Some kinds of suffering, such as aggression, jealousy and headaches, have an obvious negative quality, while others are more subtly painful. For Siddhartha, anything that has a quality of uncertainty and unpredictability is suffering. For instance, love may be pleasant and fulfilling, but it doesn´t spring independently out of the blue. It depends on someone or something, and therefore is unpredictable. At the very least, one is dependent on the object of love and, in a sense, always on a leash. And the additional hidden conditions are uncountable. For this reason it is also futile to blame our parents for our unhappy childhood or to blame ourselves for our parent´s disharmony, because we are not aware of the many hidden dependent conditions involved in these situations.
Broadly speaking, as long as one is in control, one is happy, and as long as someone else holds the leash, one is unhappy. Therefore the definition of “happiness” is when one has full control, freedom, rights, leisure, no obstacles, no leash. That means the freedom to choose and the freedom not to choose, the freedom to be active or to be leisurely.
There are certain things we can do to bend conditions to our advantage, such as taking vitamins to become strong or drinking a cup of coffee to wake up. But we can´t hold the world still so that it won´t stir up another tsunami. We cant prevent a pigeon from hitting the windshield of our car. A big part of our life revolves around trying to make other people cheerful, primarily so that we can feel comfortable. But we can´t keep another person´s emotions upbeat at all times. We can try, and maybe we´ll even succeed sometimes, but such manipulation requires a great amount of maintenance. It´s not enough to say “I love you” just once in the beginning of a relationship. You have to do the right thing -send flowers, pay attention- until the end. If you fail even once, everything you have built can fall apart. And sometimes, even if you give undivided attention, the object of your attention may misinterpret, not know how to accept, or not be receptive at all.
We might think that we aren´t really suffering, and even if we are, it isn´t so terrible. Many people think, I am OK, I am breathing, I am having breakfast, everything is going as well as can be expected, I am not suffering. But what do they mean? Do they mean this 100 percent? Have they stopped preparing for things to get better? Have they dropped all their insecurities? If such an attitude comes from genuine contentment and appreciation for what they already have, this kind of appreciation is what Siddhartha recommended. But rarely do we ever witness such content; there is always this constant nagging feeling that there is more to life, and this discontent leads to suffering.
Siddhartha´s solution was to develop awareness of the emotions. If you can be aware f emotions as they arise, even a little bit, you restrict their activity; they become like teenagers with a chaperone.
When you begin to notice the damage that emotions can do, awareness develops. When you have awareness, -for example, if you know that you are in the edge of a cliff- you understands the danger before you. You can still go ahead and do as you were doing; walking on a cliff with awareness is not so frightening anymore, in fact is thrilling. The real source of fear is not knowing. Awareness doesn´t prevent you from living, it makes living that much fuller. If you are enjoying a cup of tea and you understand the bitter and the sweet of temporary things, you will really enjoy the cup of tea.
What makes you not a buddhist. Dzongsar Jamyang Khientse.
Some kinds of suffering, such as aggression, jealousy and headaches, have an obvious negative quality, while others are more subtly painful. For Siddhartha, anything that has a quality of uncertainty and unpredictability is suffering. For instance, love may be pleasant and fulfilling, but it doesn´t spring independently out of the blue. It depends on someone or something, and therefore is unpredictable. At the very least, one is dependent on the object of love and, in a sense, always on a leash. And the additional hidden conditions are uncountable. For this reason it is also futile to blame our parents for our unhappy childhood or to blame ourselves for our parent´s disharmony, because we are not aware of the many hidden dependent conditions involved in these situations.
Broadly speaking, as long as one is in control, one is happy, and as long as someone else holds the leash, one is unhappy. Therefore the definition of “happiness” is when one has full control, freedom, rights, leisure, no obstacles, no leash. That means the freedom to choose and the freedom not to choose, the freedom to be active or to be leisurely.
There are certain things we can do to bend conditions to our advantage, such as taking vitamins to become strong or drinking a cup of coffee to wake up. But we can´t hold the world still so that it won´t stir up another tsunami. We cant prevent a pigeon from hitting the windshield of our car. A big part of our life revolves around trying to make other people cheerful, primarily so that we can feel comfortable. But we can´t keep another person´s emotions upbeat at all times. We can try, and maybe we´ll even succeed sometimes, but such manipulation requires a great amount of maintenance. It´s not enough to say “I love you” just once in the beginning of a relationship. You have to do the right thing -send flowers, pay attention- until the end. If you fail even once, everything you have built can fall apart. And sometimes, even if you give undivided attention, the object of your attention may misinterpret, not know how to accept, or not be receptive at all.
We might think that we aren´t really suffering, and even if we are, it isn´t so terrible. Many people think, I am OK, I am breathing, I am having breakfast, everything is going as well as can be expected, I am not suffering. But what do they mean? Do they mean this 100 percent? Have they stopped preparing for things to get better? Have they dropped all their insecurities? If such an attitude comes from genuine contentment and appreciation for what they already have, this kind of appreciation is what Siddhartha recommended. But rarely do we ever witness such content; there is always this constant nagging feeling that there is more to life, and this discontent leads to suffering.
Siddhartha´s solution was to develop awareness of the emotions. If you can be aware f emotions as they arise, even a little bit, you restrict their activity; they become like teenagers with a chaperone.
When you begin to notice the damage that emotions can do, awareness develops. When you have awareness, -for example, if you know that you are in the edge of a cliff- you understands the danger before you. You can still go ahead and do as you were doing; walking on a cliff with awareness is not so frightening anymore, in fact is thrilling. The real source of fear is not knowing. Awareness doesn´t prevent you from living, it makes living that much fuller. If you are enjoying a cup of tea and you understand the bitter and the sweet of temporary things, you will really enjoy the cup of tea.
What makes you not a buddhist. Dzongsar Jamyang Khientse.
